I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
