I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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