okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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