never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
