I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
