There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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