standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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