She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
