I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They are going to name an STD after you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
