I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
