I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
