And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
