I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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