sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
