Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
