i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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