if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
