oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
