OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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