i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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