Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
