apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
