I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
