I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
