He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
