everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
