Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
