I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
