Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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