Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
