apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
