I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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