Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
