he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
