Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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