come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
