even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
