you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
