I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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