Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
