she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
