my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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