Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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