I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
