Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
