she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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