hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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