You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
