I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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