i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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