the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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