New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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