he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
