Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
