Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
