I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
