Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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