something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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