but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
