i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
