i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
