what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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