He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
