i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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