the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
