My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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