This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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