wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
