I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
