"it" just moved
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize