So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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