Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
