The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
