I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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