Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
