they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am available for nakedness
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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