Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize