At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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