One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
