I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
